Snopes.com Loses Libel Battle, “Nearly Bankrupted” in Wrangle with SeppuKuma Manufacturer

In a victory for IFLScience and common sense, internet tattlesmiths Snopes were last night forced to make payments totaling in excess of US$250m in respect of damages caused by a libelous story that they published.

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In a victory for IFLScience and common sense, internet tattlesmiths Snopes were last night forced to make payments totaling in excess of US$250m in respect of damages caused by a libelous story that they published.

Back in February, IFLScience broke the news about SeppuKuma, an innovative Japanese invention that lets terminally-ill patients end their lives with dignity.

Worldwide attention was swift to pick up, and new customers in Switzerland, the Netherlands and Cuba placed orders totaling over US$100m with the JSDD-Orient Industry Collaboration Center.

Never ones to pass up the opportunity to crash a party, misinformationists Snopes then stepped in and falsely claimed:

  • SeppuKuma is fundamentally unsafe
  • Built by sweatshop labor
  • Prone to hacking due to unsafe firmware protocols
  • Part-funded by Islamic State as part of a plot to destabilize the West.

These outrageous lies let to JSDD-OICC losing approx US$250m in withdrawn orders as faith in the small team of Nipponese miracle workers was badly shaken.

JSDD-OICC were able to destroy these claims in minutes, and proved beyond doubt that SeppuKuma is a noble project constructed with all the care, professionalism and sensitivity that such an ambitious venture requires. Due to the open-and-shut nature of the case, the Bunkyo District Court of Japan took less than five minutes to find in favor of the plaintiff, which was met with an uncharacteristic outpouring of whooping and cheering from the public gallery.

Super Power Warrior Contest!
Super Power Warrior Contest!

It is not known how a two-bit also-ran like Snopes expects to find $250m, however Snopes founder David Mikkelson (named here as the 26th-best ‘internet troll’ of all time) commented, “It’s a blow obviously, but we won’t be fazed. This sort of money isn’t really a big deal to us.”

When we pressed Mikkelson he refused to comment further, but conspiracy theorists are bound to see this as more evidence that Snopes is bankrolled by the Vatican as part of a Papist campaign to distort information and return us to a so-called, “Medieval-style information fascistocracy”.

Mikkleson has consistently refused to answer questions about his site’s blatant pro-Catholic bias, and this will only add fuel to the fire.

More on this story as it emerges.

© IFLScience.org – Snopium Sugit Gallus

TO INTERESTED PARTIES: Due to ongoing legal issues, SeppuKuma is currently unavailable as a consumer-level product. However health professionals and government agencies may contact [email protected] more information. Customization requests will be considered on a per-case basis, and bulk discounts are available.

 

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