Death row, where bad Americans go to die. But the cost of death is rising, and no one wants to pay the true price of extermination. At the other end of mother natures spectrum, her spreaders of life, the humble bee, is dying, and no one can afford to keep them alive. Until now.

In a joint initiative, the Texan Bee Keepers association and the national Organic Farming Association, have teamed up to reverse the decline of the native bee population, with a novel method to dispatch inmates on death row.

The organic lobby, traditionally associated with ingestibles, had complained that the composite of lethal injections are 100% artificial chemicals which are imported. They want to support a home grown solution to criminal dispatching. Enter the bee!

With the cost of these life limiting drugs rising to $1300 per departure, and a back log of 265 inmates on death row, the Texan Department of Criminal Justice is keen to find a cost effective method carrying out retribution. Death by bee could save up to $350,000 with this lot alone.

Professor John Hornway explains the idea.

“Special bees will be selected for having a high level of melittin, the death poison that kills by anaphylaxis. The near departed will be put into a sound proof box, like they are now, and the bees will be let in through a special hatch. The prisoner will have to be strapped down, so they don’t get a chance to kill any of the bees in retaliation”.

Under agreements being drawn up, Bee Keepers Association members in West Livingstone will rehouse an apiary to the Polunsky Unit, which cares for the states death row population. In a cost saving initiative, the old gas changer will be used as the final place of life for the prisoner, and once the condemned is strapped in place, and the bees made good and angry, they will be released through the old gas evacuation chamber. The bees will be collected through the same hole.

In some instances, the sting of one bee will kill, but in a health criminal, a whole swarm may be needed to induce the required swelling of the throat and eventual suffocation. So to save time and suffering, no less that 1000 bees will be used at any one time. bee population will be closely monitored for signed of harm from their new job, and honey tested to ensure it does not taste of death. The special jars of death nectar will be on sale through the Bee Keepers Association.

If trials go to plan, the buzzing terminators will be shared across the other capital punishment states, creating hundreds of new bee houses. And the special bees will hold a nationally recognised licence to kill. In one easy solution, bees will be back in the incline once again.


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