Improve your love life – with stuff you find at home

How to Save your Love Life

There are few things more satisfying in a health loving relationship, than simulating penetration using breast. The vernacular, applied in this act of c

soapy tit wankongress, ‘Soapy
Tit Wank” belies the true bond the action brings to the happy couple. Commentators have called it the closet thing to being a living vagina, they have yet to find.

While this romantic position conjures images of bubble filled baths, and warm fluffy towels, the reality is that the majority of couples lack the space in their bath to fully get down to meaningful breast thrusting. And have you ever tried to do this in the shower! Not for the faint hearted. So for many red blooded lovers, soap is not a practical lubricant. So what it the best way to rub one out over her tits?

In this piece of empirical research, a range of alternative unguents were tested. The test subjects were asked to rate based on a range of metrics, and we present their conclusions here.

Five products were applied, chosen from agents that could be reasonably expected to be found in the typical home. Three couples used the products in turn, followed by individual rating and then a group discussion. To rule out bias, all the couples undertook this simulated congress in the same room, overseen by me and the camera man. To avoid flaccid erections through self-consciousness, we were all nude during the experiment. The results are shown in the graph below.

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ae235Swarfega is renowned for its deep cleaning of grease and grime, but how good is it for rewarding the lady with a pearl neckless after smearing it over her jubblies? Not very, was the overriding response. The choice of colours could not mask the foul taste and smell, coupled with removing several layers of stiffy skin. Only Derek had anything good to say, but that was because he is a greasy biker, and needed a good clean.


Lard – its is great for a crisp flan lining, but did it get the mans love juice onto her headlights? Not unless you like smelling of dead pig, was the panels response. “The wait for it to melt on my melons was a real passion killer” remarked Carol, “and reeking of rendered animals made Phil shrivel right up”. This was the only product, which failed to empty the guys hoses.

Engine oil was a great lubricant, but Jeff couldn’t get purchase, because Gills fun bags are a bit small. And trying to clean off oil and spunk was a bit gross.

Honey was great to eat, but having your pubes ripped out by it’s tacky nature was not a pleasant sensation. And it tended to pull on her nipples. Funny, but not fun.


The best soap and bath alternative with a, stunning majority was Avocado oil! It taste great, is natural, organic, and can be rubbed into the skin afterwards as a moisturiser. And his fluid makes a great protein enhancer.

Let us know what you use, and we can test these out at next months swingers research group.


Pictures have been taken from the following sites.

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