For decades the Scientific community has been plagued with one serious question. Can we teach an Ostrich to Ski? Thanks to a small team of scientists financed by Monsanto the question is finally answered, and that answer is Yes. Yes, we can teach a common ostrich to ski, and very well we might add.
“Initially we merely wanted to use a physics emulation to see if it was even possible, so we started lobbying around for a grant of some sort in order to hire physicists and computer engineer people. The government flat out ignored our requests, but thankfully Monsanto came to the rescue and financed our study with a portion of the $32 billion dollar government subsidy President Obama granted them last August.” Said Dr. Mantis Toboggan, head of the research team. “I will admit that at first I myself was skeptical that it could even be done, but we were lucky enough to hire on some professional animal trainers from Sea World to assist in training the Louisiana Ostrich that was donated by Bob’s Ostrich Shack. While it was the first time that the Sea World handler had worked with a non-marine animal, she was able to quickly teach the Ostrich by using traditional physical abuse tactics learned from her previous employment.”
Hopefully we see more of this type of science on our radar. It’s beautiful to see such exotic animals forced to perform dangerous, yet entertaining tricks for our amusement.